Social media can be a source of joy when it allows us to reconnect with old friends or stay updated on loved ones living far away through photos and posts. However, many of the people we “follow” might not bring us joy at all. In fact, some might trigger feelings we’d rather not experience, but we keep them in our news feed for the sake of numbers—whether for followers or the potential “likes” we receive. There’s even a common saying that to get likes, you have to give them.
It’s this kind of thinking that can turn social media from a fun experience into a source of stress. We may find ourselves endlessly scrolling, obsessively checking updates, and feeling a constant need to stay connected to avoid the dreaded fear of missing out (#FOMO).
But what are we actually searching for when we engage in these behaviors? Are we really curious about where people went, who they were with, and how much fun they had? It’s unlikely we would even want to join them, so why do we feel this pull? The answer lies in comparison. We compare our own lives to the snapshots of happiness others display. The problem is, most people only share the highlights—the best, most successful, most enviable moments. This creates an endless cycle of comparing ourselves to these curated realities, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. We might feel “behind” because we haven’t checked off certain life milestones like getting engaged, married, having children, or buying a house. And this list of “have-nots” can feel endless.
Other unhealthy behaviors include checking up on ex-partners, former friends, or even “frenemies.” Maybe that person who ghosted you a while back has suddenly liked one of your photos. What does that mean? This kind of speculation can be all-consuming and stressful. Or consider the heartache of seeing your ex post a photo with their new partner. You might find yourself obsessing not only about what they’re doing but also constantly checking their new partner’s page, searching for signs that the relationship isn’t as serious as it seems. And during all this, you might secretly delight in the photos where you think you look better than their new flame. But once again, these comparisons only waste your time and energy.
Here’s the good news: you have the power to decide whether to continue following these people. If seeing their posts makes you feel sad, anxious, or angry, it might be time to unfollow. It can be hard to break the habit of checking up on them, especially when you won’t know what they’re doing anymore. But releasing that need for information can lead to a liberating sense of freedom. Once you’re no longer burdened by these negative emotions, you’ll be able to redirect your time and energy to the positive aspects of your life, away from the often toxic world of social media.